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EVERLASTING
She
hadn't known it was possible to cry so much but crying now occupied
her waking hours. She didn't eat, she scarcely drank.
'I'm
not hungry' she said 'but I'm cold' so she wore a big sweater
although it was high Summer. She performed only those actions that
were absolutely essential. Everything was dominated by her need to
cry. It isolated her from her friends but that didn't matter, she had
to cry it all out of her. When she went to bed she passed out, there
were no dreams, there was no moving around in the night to find a
more comfortable position. When she woke up she started to cry again.
One
morning she woke before anyone else, even before the dog. It was
thick dark but she got up and dressed. She left the house and began
walking. She didn't know the area because she was staying with
friends so took the path in front of her. It led through a field
then when the path reached a road it continued on the other side so
she kept following it. She had no idea where she was but she walked
on because it seemed important to do so.
Then
she realised she wasn't alone, he'd joined her, he was chatting and
laughing with her. He remembered an incident from years before that
had amused him and frightened her. He was sorry now for teasing her.
They walked on and the birds began to sing. The path ahead became
clearer and there was the sea. The path opened out and that was when
he left telling her 'Don't worry, everything is going to be all
right.' She watched the sun rise out of the sea and felt warm now for
the first time in days; no longer cold inside or out, something had
thawed.
Her
friends noticed the change when she returned. When she told them he'd
come to see her they weren't surprised and neither was she. She
smiled, everything would be okay now. She kept smiling to herself
over the next few days. There were things to do and as she did them
she smiled; people noticed but forgave her odd behaviour, she was
obviously not coping well they said.
When
the big day arrived she was completely in control. She greeted
everyone and thanked them for coming. She'd asked for flowers and
music, she would have asked for dancing but there was no room to
dance. The day was hot and she wore a Summer dress. She could feel
everything now: the heat and her perfume, the voices in all their
variety, the faces, some well-known to her and some almost strangers.
She welcomed all of it. He'd enjoy this.
Then
he arrived. He was wearing his best black silk shirt and he looked so
handsome that her control slipped for a moment. She loved him so much
and he loved her still, she knew that with unshakeable certainty.
When
the service was over she leaned over him and kissed him. She felt
love surrounding her and moving through her. His love was more real
and vivid than ever before, she smiled as they closed the lid of his
coffin.
